Sunday, December 27, 2009

WLS Update : 9 months post op

9 months post op - No way!

I do not know how this time keeps going by so quickly. It dawned on me Christmas Morning that at this time last year I was crying cause I was dissapointed that my surgery had been post poned. What a difference a year had made though -

here I was sitting in my chair which is way too big for me now, in sweats I hade bought on clearance last year after christmas in hopes I would fit into them ( a size 4/6 ) that are now too loose on me, and so different in each and every way now.

I am blessed and what better way to remember it?! I broke out the photos of last christmas to recall. This is still an incredibly painful thing to do. I had no idea how depressed the weight really made me and visa versa!

So ... 9 months here is where I am at.

Emotionally: I still have my struggles. More so with the fact that what the pro's warned be about others and how they handle my journey is true! Many are no ok with the fact that I changed my habbits, my styles and my needs. They dont handle me being selfish with my needs, despite the fact that other that food being for nutrition only now, I haven't changed for or with them in any other way. I struggle daily thinking and worrying about what others think and I am working hard to correct this. As we know its not about " them ". I don't cry as often as I used to, but I am still very much having " anxiety " attacks if you will, when I go out to eat, think about a big holiday or gathering with food etc. I work myself into a panic about wondering when and if I can eat ok when others are around. My comfort zones are well known as well as my comfort foods. Its clear now how much emotions really did play into my food choices back then.

Self Image : I struggle. I do now see " ME " in the mirror, but its not the reflection I expected to see. I don't expect anyone to know what that means but when I look I still see what I know of me. Loving, Caring, Fun, Happy, and Free..... just much smaller on the outside. Just as much as I used to pick myself apart when I was bigger, I do it now that I am smaller. I get sick at the sight of my skin, my rolls and my shape. It makes me sad to think I have no breast, no butt, and wrinkles in my face. I still do not beleive that I can go almost anywhere and buy a size 4/6 and " slip them on ". I am learning to be comfortable but it takes time... and I am still new.

The physcologist thinks I have moved into my new body... were working on the mind.

Self Esteem : WOW! I have always known who I am... but sometimes even I doubted it. Honestly this journey has brought to light many many things. One of them is just how strong I really am. Sure, I know I have endured alot - but at what cost? Now I know why, and that I can do many things on many levels.

I.e. Going back to work. I will use this as my most latest because it is the latest. I have been blessed to have great jobs in my past - a few of which I loved alot.... but this new one is amazing and I am led to beleive alot has to do with who and where I am in life at this moment. I cannot recall a time in recent years I could have been hired for this job, to be on my feet all hours of the day, touching, talking and being looked at my so many families day in and out... without fear of " of my gosh they think Im fat " running through my head! Its nice to not hide behind my phone as a receptionist because I have a great voice - but to be seen as a whole person. As much as I would have liked to think people didnt think I was big, fat or whatever they wanted to call me --- I was. They did!

Its all so different now. I love to slip on my work clothes, put on my make up and think - WOW I AM APRIL AND I CAN DO THIS!

Physically :

I am tired. They say this comes from the low iron levels. I am still anemic.

My bones ACHE!!! And I do mean ache - but they say its because your body isnt used to not having the fat padding it used to around all the joints, and bones in general. This gets better with time ( lord willing! ).

But I am doing ok. I am getting - for the most part - my 6 meals in a day, and am now slowly getting more active in hopes of finding that balance. Soon will be adding in swimming to the plan and looking forward to that!

Summary :

9 months post op RNY Bypass.

Currently about 130lbs and struggling to get back to the 135-140 range!

Size loose 4/6 bottoms and S/M on most tops.

Ring size is now a 7.5 ( was 11 )

Still not cycling normally, batteling thyroid and iron issues.

And since its been a few months since I have done measurments I will post this :

BODY PART DAY OF SURGERY (3/27/09) 6w VISIT (4/20/09) 3m post op (7/14/09) 4 month anniversary (7/27/09) 6m anniversary (9/27/09) & 9 month anniversary (12/27/09 )DIFFERENCE FROM SURGERY DAY!
Left Arm 14.5" 14" 12" 11" 10.75" 10.0" -4.5"
Left Thigh 28.5" 25.75" 21" 19.5" 18.5" 18.5" -10"
Left Calf -- -- -2.75" 14" 14" 13" 13" -3.75"
Chest ( across largest point in bra ) 50.25" 47.5" 42.5" 41" 38" 38" -12.25"

Waist 49" 45.5" 37" 35" 33" 31" -18"
Hips 50" 48" 42" 41" 37" 36" -14"
Neck 15.75" 14.75" 13.5" -- 13" 12.75" -3"
Wrist -- -- -- -- 6" 6" 6" 5.75"

Total loss 65.5+" in 9 months.