I don't know that I will hold this weight long but it was my pre-surigical goal. To meet this goal would mean that I have now lost 100% of my excess weight!
Going into this the surgeon warned me that I may never see true goal, or that it would/should take about 18-36 months to do so but through the progression of it all it was soon decided I would indeed see that goal.
They wanted me at 135lbs as an ideal weight before my reconstruction and tummy tuck because it is estimated that I am carrying about 20lbs of skin/sub q tissue. So at 135 - 20lbs tech its est. I would be about 115lbs.
Obviously thats too thin, so I don't get to play around with it. I get to try to maintain until I am fixed. Shouldn't be too hard though now that were trying to get pregnant I am sure I can keep/ put on a few pounds!
So as of this morning I think its safe to say I have met my weight goal! I've been floating around it for a couple of weeks now, trying to slow the loss down - but today looks like its here. This is what I found this morning on my scale.....
Now let me say that while I am confident enough to say I have met my goal weight - I am not confident but am truely honest enough to say that I have not met my medical, my mental or my health goals yet. It is taking a toll on me and totally taking its sweet time to all set in. I make poor choices day in and day out and I am trying so hard to break this now while I am a " newbie " before I end up right where I was. Don't say its not possible because its that attitude that does it in.
It is true that " Just 1 bite, or 1 cheat " can do you in... because it rarely stops at just 1. I have to break this cycle NOW!
Health wise - I am still working very hard on getting and staying healthy. I am making sure to take my vitamins daily, and medications. I am working on getting back on track as we work with the endo and the gyn to get pregnant and making sure all the decission I am making are for the best.
Mental wise - I still don't see me as this size, or beleive it. I still have alot of guilt and anger and more and more get the " wow " moments when I realize that I did help myself be unhealthy before. The actions are so clear in hindsight. I like to beat myself up over it though - not good!
So ----
For now I will end this update with this
Today, SATURDAY OCTOBER 17th, 6 months 2 weeks and 6 days since my life changed forever and I walked the new trail of this journey...
I have met my goal - Today I weight 135lbs!!
